Most Parents Are Unaware Their Kids Are Having Sex And What They Find Out Will Shock Them

Most Parents Are Unaware Their Kids Are Having Sex And What They Find Out Will Shock Them

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 FilePic: ThinkStock

Aliya, who graduated last year, found out she was pregnant by her classmate, who is her junior. The ‘boyfriend’, who panicked, left her. When his parents found out, he was severely beaten.

Liyana, a 14-year-old student, tells how all her classmates already know about sex, even condoms and ‘anal sex’.

A Form 4 student from a national secondary school said that many of his classmates were having sex, and do not know how to use a condom properly as they have not been taught about safe sex.

“We are taught about sex health, the anatomies, puberty, periods and all that… But they don’t talk about how to wear condoms, no way, never, or about the pills,” he said. “We’re young and we are naturally very curious.”

FilePic: smh.com.auRecent high school graduate Yasmin tells how she came from a conservative family, but “I just have these feelings, it's hard to control. My boyfriend and I were gonna do it, we just kissed … but I might want to do more”.

17 years old Mia from Kolej Tuanku Jaafar tells how she and her boyfriend Nick had been kissing and doing other things after school.

An excerpt from the actual conversation online shows how much this youngster knows about sex:

“We want to do it so badly, we actually do it a lot in the school toilet. I finally told him let’s try (penetrative) sex, but the space in the toilet is too small, you have to be smart about it.’”

“Well we did try anal sex several times, but both attempts failed ..., so yeah, no anal sex for me.. I’m not so sure whether or not anal sex feels better,... but it might feel better cause its tighter….”

And Joy, who was brought up in a strict boarding school lost her virginity when she went abroad to study in America. “I was studying for my degree in the States, and decided to go travelling in this camping group where we all travelled together. I lost it to one of my travel companions.”

A self-confessed playboy who is still in university tells of how he has slept with many schoolgirls from his previous private school.

“I was at the gym and met this girl, she’s a freshman (similar Form 3 students in government schools), and we talk a lot on the phone and meet up at the gym after school. We’ve done it a few times already in the school toilet.”

He tells of how the other girls he meets up with include a senior from high school and other university students, hooking up with them on online dating site Tinder.

“One girl was very desperate for me, she began sexting me her naked photos.”

These cases only represent the tip of the iceberg as the latest statistics on rape in Malaysia show that over half of them involve statutory rape (with or without consent). How bad is the situation? Malaysian Digest decides to find out.

Why Malaysian Parents Should Be Very Worried

While many people say it's the 21st century, customs and traditions might have changed, but the social consequences of ill-informed teenagers experimenting in sex is almost always unwanted pregnancies and ruined lives.FilePic: theantdaily.com

According to Malacca’s Parents in Education Action Committee chairman Mak Chee Kin, most parents are in disbelief when told that their children were having sex with their classmates or friends.

He was speaking at a Malaysian Crime Prevention Foundation media session earlier this month about statutory rape and the need for parents to educate their children on this sensitive issue, a local English news daily reports. It was also highlighted that at least 51% of the rape cases in the past three years involved sex with minors.

These are staggering statistics but if you look at the situation worldwide, Malaysian parents should really be worried.

According to a report by Population Action International titled 'Sexual & Reproductive Health Policies for a Youthful World' which was reported by UK Daily Mail in 2014, "most young people everywhere become sexually active between the ages of 10 and 20".

The report also pointed out that one in 20 girls in the United States get pregnant each year with the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) reporting in 2013 that thirty percent of girls become pregnant before the age of 20. The UK is also struggling with sky-high level of teenage pregnancies, with 2.9 out of every 100 girls aged between 15 and 19 giving birth every year.

“Parents, teachers and other adults widely fail to prepare young people with the information, skills and resources needed to chart a steady, healthy course through the transition to adulthood.

“Where premarital sexual activity is common and disapproved of, adults often withhold information, erroneously believing that to provide it may lead young people to have sex.

“Community and service-provider restrictions on health information and services expose young people to a host of avoidable health risks such as STIs which, untreated, can lead to chronic morbidity, sterility and even death,” the report states.

Ever wondered why MTV came up with the reality TV shows 'Teen Mom' and '16 and Pregnant'? Could it be that there is huge demographic of audience in the Western world that can identify with the teenage mothers in the shows?

My 5-Year-Old Son Knows More Than We Did

FilePic: The Scotsman32 years old housewife Rosmah is already worried about her 5-year-old son.

“Most parents give iPads to their kids to play with, and in their mind the boobie is already a sexual object which I think is not right.

“It's scary to know at his age they are exposed. At our last mother’s gathering at school, a mother told me how my son and her daughter were dancing sexily with each other. I was shocked, so I asked him after school if it's true, and he’s like yeah! And showed me a few moves he did with the girl’.

“Even as a boy or a teenager, and he gets someone pregnant, it's still his mistake. It's important to teach them about religion, what is wrong and what is right - the limits.

“But not too strict, I’m not going to be like that, but at least he knows what is right and what is wrong. I teach him not to shout at girls for example, and he would say things like ‘mommy she has boobies’ and I have to tell him you cannot say that to a girl.

“He even asks me can touch them, as they already know it's a sexual object. I told him you cannot touch that, just mine. I also explained to him that this is where girls pee-pee and where he cannot touch. He even asked if he could kiss them and I said you couldn't.

“They press-press-press on Youtube, they see people making out, he’ll ask why are they doing this.

“I would go crazy if I found out my son had sex. When he’s 16 I don't want to think about it, oh God. My husband tells me but you don't want him to be a nerd, and he needs to know but not at the age of 16.

“What I will do in the future is to create a family WhatsApp group where they all can report to me if they want to go out. Since he’ll have a phone when he’s a teenager (or earlier), I’ll spy on him, put trackers and all that (like I have done with my maid).

“In the end, I prefer not to know, I don't want to know,” she mention as an afterthought.

My Mom Found My Birth Control Pills

20-years old Farah recounts how last year her mother went crazy when she found birth control pills in her handbag and went overboard is monitoring her movements.FilePic: The Guardian

“It was a really bad last year, after getting caught I really couldn’t do anything. My phone had a GPS tracker and they called me every night. They then asked me if there are people I want to be married to, they gave me an option.

“Thankfully now there is no more GPS tracking as they trust me, I tell them where I am going and all that.

“My dad was ok, but my mom went crazy. To me, society is different nowadays. But after all that has happened, I know what is more important.

“My advice to my children, when I have them, is to talk to them about sex and all the dangerous things, I want them to talk to me if there’s a problem.

“More importantly I want to teach them that yes there’s sex, but focus on the more important things in life, like getting your degree done and focussing on getting a better job - focus on the higher achievements.”

I Know My Daughter Is Having Sex - And I’m OK With It

FilePic: ShutterstockSusan, a 43-year-old mother of three, acknowledges that out of 10 children, 5 are most probably doing it. Susan also knows that her beautiful 21-year-old daughter and boyfriend are doing it.

“Yes, I know they are doing it. They told me. She was 19 years old then.

“I guess I’m that kind of mom, and she tells me everything. She told me how she did it with the boyfriend and we have open conversations, I tell her about the dangers and how to be safe and also to use a condom.

“If I pretend that they don't know anything or I don't know and they have to pretend they are not doing it, it's very old school. I want them to be open with me. If you wanna do it go ahead, but take measures. I tell her it's preferably to do it with your husband, but since you are doing it, take precautions etc.

“I tell them all the examples, horror stories; what is safe, what is not safe. Even about unplanned pregnancies and how it can destroy your future.

‘Other parents did come to me for advice, and they are the more conservative ones. I just tell them that it all depends on how they bring up their kids, if they are conservative they might not do it.

“But I tell them that kids need to be open to their parents, they want to try stuff, so we have to educate them. They need to know they can come and talk to their parents if they are in trouble.

“People can commit suicide if they are in trouble, getting pregnant for example, so as parents we need to give guidance.

“At the end of the day you are living in this new age you cannot keep your mind in the past, insist on the old ways,” she reasoned.

Most Kids Get Experimental From The Age Of 15

Malaysian Digest also spoke with ‘sex educator’ June Low, who manages the blog www.goodsexed.info who recommend that parents should send their kids to sex education classes.FielPic: latinamericanpost.com

June is running a weekly class at Pusat Rakyat Loyar Burok to make sex education more accessible as she believes Malaysian schools’ approach to sex education focused on abstinence does not work.

“In my classes I don’t think all of them are doing it. But a lot of them are experimenting on stuff, I don’t know the exact number, but I have found that a lot of my students are experimenting, especially from 15 onwards. I have seen behavioural indications that they are aware of what we are talking about, but you don’t know to what extent.

“Kids are not gonna tell you if you ask them but the questions they ask can help find out what they are up to.

“Parents still think sex is just about sex, reproductive health, it's so much more. Sex education is important because the kids come to class, the teachers monitor what is going on, then the kids go home and continue the discussion at home so you have a network going on, it's a very strong pastoral care and many people don’t realize that. So I believe sex education is very important to our youngsters.

“Research has proven that comprehensive sex education can help teens delay the onset of sexual activity, reduce the frequency of sexual activity, reduce number of sexual partners, and increase condom and contraceptive use,”

More importantly, the evidence shows that teens who receive comprehensive sex education are not more likely to become sexually active, increase sexual activity, or experience negative sexual health outcomes”, an extract from her blog 'Good Sex Ed' says.

- Malaysian Digest