New ‘dating agency’ lets clients meet in a safe space – and chaperoned.
NOW 35, Hafiz (not his real name) finally feels ready for the next stage in his life – to start a family. But he has no idea where to even begin.
“First, I have to find the right person to be my life mate. All this while, for about 10 years or so, I had been focused on building my career. I spent 16 to 17 hours a day at work, meeting clients and other business appointments. The last time I met anyone and went out on a date was three years ago.”
His only options, he feels, are to marry a colleague, go online or finally let his nosy aunt matchmake him with her brother-in law’s daughters and nieces or some distant cousin.
“That means marrying inside your family, urgh,” he laments with a shudder.
Hafiz is the type of candidate that the new “dating agency” in town Halal Speed Dating wants to attract to their matchmaking events.
The idea for Halal Speed Dating – a speed-dating event in a respectable and dignified way based on the sunnah (traditions and sayings of the Prophet Muhammad in Islam) – is the brainchild of three entrepreneurial friends Norhayati Ismail, Zuhri Yahya and Syed Azmi Alhabshi.
As Norhayati puts it, Hafiz’s experience is the reality now.
Dignified date: A participant and her chaperone meeting candidates they short-listed.
“Many people work long hours and have no time to meet anyone new or go out on dates. I was also working 16-17 hours a day and had no time to go out and meet people, much less date.
“I definitely didn’t want to marry my workmates. Imagine meeting your husband in the office as well. But when I could not meet anyone, everyone kept berating me that it was pathetic I couldn’t find anyone with over 1,000 people working in the same office!”
The 40-year-old says she was lucky to meet the right man for her online, and now wants to make the process easier for others with Halal Speed Dating.
“If you meet someone online, you won’t be sure if there is chemistry between you, if your family are compatible, and worse, you might meet someone dangerous.”
And that was how the idea came to all of them – when they started talking about how difficult it was for them to meet their life partners.
She says the conversation started with their usual teasing of Syed Azmi about still being single and joking about finding him a wife. Before long, they were exchanging their own experiences of meeting their other halves.
Things then started clicking, says Syed Azmi who is always looking for radical ideas for a business endeavour.
Making their pick: Participants at the first Halal Speed Dating event deciding on who they would like to meet from the profile list.
“Norhayati met her husband online, in a dating chatroom, and Zuhri, 34, met his wife in a kind of speed dating event in a Muslim setting – it was organised by the religious authorities as part of their adult education course on love and marriage.
“I thought, if their stories are interesting for me, wouldn’t it be interesting for others?”
Adds the 38-year-old bachelor, after bouncing the idea off each other, they came up with the plan to combine a Muslim setting framework with speed dating.
“The Muslim setting here means a respectable dating process. We are not saying that other matchmaking events are undignified or not respectful of the participants.
“We just wanted a matchmaking process that is based on Muslim etiquette, that istaaruf – to get people to meet and get to know each other with the aim of marriage in a dignified manner. No hanky panky,” explains Zuhri.
They chose “halal” for their name because it is catchy and is current.
“We just wanted a catchy name to attract people,” Norhayati concedes.
“If we put taaruf, people will be scratching their heads in confusion.”
Echoing her, Zuhri explains futher, “’Halal’ in the speed dating here does not mean Islamic, it means permissible.”
As Syed Azmi puts it, “It’s a platform that is bigger than the name halal, it’s just a name to turn heads. We just want to show a better way of meeting and getting to know prospective spouses in a safe space where they are chaperoned by parents, family members or trusted friends.”
According to Zuhri, there is a market – a survey by the Women, Family and Community Ministry in 2012 showed that 2.5 million Malaysians above the age of 25 are single due to lack of suitable partners and financial problems.
As the Population and Housing Census 2010 showed, of the unmarried Malaysians, 60.4% are men and 39.6% women.
And as the statistics of the first Halal Speed Dating event shows, many seemingly eligible Malaysians are struggling to find a suitable partner in life.
“We received a lot of participants aged between 25 and 38 who are degree holders and employed – with up to 10% holding Master’s qualifications and about 1% with PhD,” says Zuhri.
All they want to do is to give them a safe space to meet, he adds.
Syed Azmi agrees.
“It’s (the idea) not new but it’s different. Because different people have different tastes. And the best thing is that we are still learning.
“Nothing is set in stone, and we are still looking at fine-tuning the matchmaking event to suit the needs and wants of the participants. We’ll change it when we get a better idea,” he says, adding that he plans to have an event only for parents where they will need to “sell” their child or children to the prospective in-laws.
The idea that weddings and starting a family is expensive is another thing that the three want to change.
“We want to raise people’s awareness that getting married does not have to be expensive,” says Zuhri, bemoaning the situation where many young people get into debt not only for their wedding ceremony but also engagement.
“We also want to create a safe space for those who want to find out if they are husband material or ready to get hitched.
“The event is also open to those who want to get married but perhaps not yet. But they have to state clearly that they are not looking to marry so soon so that no one will be disappointed.
“But who knows, the experience may open up their hearts and will make them feel ready to commit to someone and achieve something greater together,” he adds.
Crucially, halal speed dating is not a strictly “Islamic” event for only Muslims, Norhayati reiterates.
“We never claimed that this is an Islamic event, the aim is to get people to meet and marry in a dignified manner.”
Halal Speed Dating is open to everyone regardless of background, she stresses.
“What we do is to streamline it according to each person’s preference and request.”
If you want to find a Muslim spouse, then you will be invited to an all-Muslim matchmaking event, she says.
Their very first event recently saw a non-Muslim male attending an all-Muslim event on his request.
Another buzz was that there were a few who sent in applications to look for second wives or to be someone’s second wife.
“There were even a few who were looking for a second wife for their husbands.
We accepted the applications, we don’t judge but we make it clear that participants have to be upfront and transparent about who they are and their intentions.”
But for the first session that was held at the Talent Lounge in Damansara Perdana, in Petaling Jaya, recently, these candidates were put on hold, as the group decided to focus on single people looking to get married for the first time.
The event saw 60 female and 20 male single hopefuls aged between 25 and 38 including Syed Azmi, out of 700 applicants, attending.
Participants paid a fee of RM45, while their chaperones were charged RM30 for the event.
Profiles of participants – comprising their interests and identified only by a number, no name or picture – were put up for the candidates to make their selections.
In the first round, the women, most with their chaperones, moved from table to table to meet the men they had chosen.
The second round was the men’s turn to “meet” the women of their choice.
Each conversation lasted for five minutes, in which questions ranged from – “where is your hometown” to “how many children would you like to have”.
Syed Azmi said the idea of having a chaperone was so that the women would feel safe, have moral support and discuss opinions on the possible matches.
“The chaperones are also there to ask questions that the women may be too shy to ask themselves. But maybe men need chaperones or wingmen too, because men are shy too,” he says.
The organisers stress that they take the utmost care to protect the privacy and safety of participants.
“That is why we make it a rule that they don’t exchange names, phone numbers, FB or Instagram ID, we don’t want anyone to be stalked or put in danger,” she stresses.
And they will try to hold their events during the day – the first one was held in the morning.
With the first Halal Speed Dating event quite a success – one participant got three marriage offers – the modern day matchmakers are eager to get the second event off the ground soon.
“The problem is, we have 1,200 applications!” says Zuhri.
One thing for sure, it is a nice problem to have.
As for the not-so successful participants, Norhayati says they are thinking of offering a discount for the next event. Now that they have broken the ice, maybe they will find their future spouse in the next event.
One who asked not to be named says she definitely wants to go again as the first event opened her eyes to the possibilities.
“I’ve always wondered why it is so difficult to meet people, whether there are any single people out there who are also looking for a prospective partner. Now, I know, they are out there and there is a place where I can meet them.”
As for Syed Azmi, his experience at the Halal Speed Dating event has also made him more optimistic about meeting the right person soon.
“I met 12 people, and although I did not meet THE one yet, it was a great experience. It was not as stressful as I thought it would be – it was relaxed and I don’t know if it is right to say this, but everyone had fun.”
